In
recent issues of Children Webmag I have been trying to give a flavour
of what happens at Mill Grove day by day, week by week and year
by year and what makes the place tick. Last month I reflected on
letter-writing and the regular contact between the worldwide family
of Mill Grove; in March the column explored how an afternoon spent
swimming together meant so much to the children who enjoyed it;
and in February I told how a Saturday morning of tree-cutting and
meal preparation for Pooh and Piglet (among others) gave insights
into the healing processes at work.
There
are two interwoven aspects of our life that I would like to describe
in this piece. One is the yearly newsletter, Links that is sent
to every member and friend of what we call the “Mill Grove
family”; the other is a yearly gathering that takes place
in May called “Our Day”.
Links
is full of news of people and the events of the previous twelve
months. It contains a diary of the whole year and also descriptions
of the family holiday in North Wales, Christmas and other special
occasions. It’s about forty-eight pages long and includes
lots of photos.
We’ve
just sent this year’s edition out, and responses and reactions
are coming in steadily from around the world by letter, email and
telephone. One of the most common comments runs something like this:
“Links came through the letterbox and so I stopped what I
was doing and read it through from cover to cover.”
It
means so much because every person mentioned is likely to be known
to the reader directly or indirectly, and every event and place
will bring back memories and associations of childhood.
“Our
Day” (it used to be called “The Annual”) has been
part of the yearly pattern of life since 1900. It starts with a
thanksgiving service in a local church, and develops into an evening
together at Mill Grove, inside and out, with a barbecue, continuous
refreshments, videos and audio-visuals, photos and plenty of scope
for informal play for the young, chatting for those slightly older.
One
of the things that strikes me afresh each year is the way the different
generations of the family relate so easily to each other and feel
so much at home. In the music band this year, for example, there
will several youngsters playing instruments: what they have in common
is that one of their parents lived at Mill Grove as a child.
If
you pause to reflect on this it becomes apparent that this sense
of belonging through the generations is a characteristic of extended
families. It can’t be organised or produced by any policies:
it grows in its own way and time.
But
of course Links and Our Day are both really important elements in
the process by which belonging develops. They both bring the extended
family members closer together and make possible shared knowledge
and experiences.
So
what is the real significance of this in terms of child development
and healing? I think is must be fairly obvious that to belong to
a resilient and accepting extended family is a real comfort and
source of identity for those who used to live at Mill Grove and
who now live in various parts of the world.
We
all thrive on having roots, and for some, Mill Grove has provided
exactly these roots. It’s not possible to gauge how much communication
there is between family members direct (apart from Links and Our
Days, that is), but the evidence we have is that it is extensive.
Only yesterday a couple spent the evening with my mother talking
about how they would be travelling from Essex UK to New Zealand
in August and staying with one of the Mill Grove family there. It’s
less than a year since another couple was doing the same thing.
What
may be less obvious is the meaning of these two phenomena to children
and young people currently living with us, or being supported by
us week by week. The fact that they mean a lot is clear from the
enthusiasm with which they read every issue of Links past and present,
and join in the celebrations on Our Day.
But
why? I think it’s also about belonging, being valued, and
seeing growth and change in yourself and others you have come to
know. It helps to make sense of yearly patterns and events, and
to realise their significance. It gives a framework to life, and
affirms that what you are doing and feeling is important and interesting
to others.
You
won’t be surprised to hear that, although there have been
adaptations and changes to Links and Our Day over the decades, the
striking feature of them both is a sense of continuity and tradition.
And there isn’t much that is so vital in child development
as the assurance and stability that comes from continuity, predictability
and reliable and anticipated patterns of life.
I
think this helps to explain why when we were at our house in North
Wales over the Easter holiday the youngsters there spent hours reading
through old copies of Links, and why just now there is a growing
expectation and excitement in the air, at least for some, as Our
Day nears.
Keith J. White lives and cares for children and young people
in Mill Grove where his family has lived for four generations.
Since 1899 it has been a family home where children unable
to live with their own parents have been welcomed
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