Times
are Changing
On
two occasions in the past few weeks I have found myself observing
children and have been left wondering what we are doing, where we
are going and what will future generations be like? This month I will
tell you about the first.
We
can all recount milestones, such as the breakdown of the automatic
respect for elders and betters and the loss of a belief in God, in
the mud of the First World War trenches, which led to a gradual slackening
of morals and attitudes. It’s hard to believe now that members
of the British Royal Family ostracised their own for daring to divorce
and that ‘till death us do part’ has turned at best into
serial monogamy and at worst into a series of casual, exploitative
encounters.
Attitudes
to children and child rearing have undergone similar seismic upheavals.
We have gone from ‘seen but not heard’ to almost no inhibitions
and strident demands for instant, usually expensive fixes. I sometimes
marvel at the changes in my own lifetime, from having bread, coal,
milk and vegetables delivered to the house by horse drawn carts, to
having the local Asda open 24 hours a day and only a short car drive
or on-line order away.
I
remember my own mother trying to make sense of some of the behaviours
of children in the early sixties, during the ‘let the children
find out for themselves by exploring their environment’ rather
than ‘sit at desks and learn something’ phase of fashion
fad in education. Her answer was that ‘something’ had
been introduced into the atmosphere and possibly the water supply
which impacted greatly on the brains and consequently on the attitudes
of children, who were entering schools at that time.
Having
been a casual observer in two entirely different settings recently
I think I might conclude that whatever that ‘something’
was, it must be being doled out in tanker loads now.
Coming
to Attention
Picture
the first scene. It is a hot, sunny day in a quiet seaside town, normally
the preserve of the over-60s. Stalwarts sit and read and doze on the
famous pier, sipping the odd refreshing beverage. The advance parties
of those families whose children started school summer holidays ahead
of the rest of the country have started to arrive. My eyes were beginning
to close from the fatigue induced by the crossword puzzle, but my
mind suddenly clicked back into gear as the sound of a loud and monotonous
voice started to impact upon me.
I
glanced sideways from behind the protection of my dark glasses. Just
along from where I was sitting there were a couple of men, who I think
had been trying to enjoy the fresh air and fun, before they were joined
by a rather overweight boy around twelve years of age. Mercifully,
I think my eyes must have been closed, or my frown of crossword concentration
too intense when he decided to seek some adult attention. For this
was exactly what he was doing – attention-seeking. How many
times have I written ‘gross attention seeker’ about just
such another.
I
had tuned in when he was already into a well rehearsed saga of how
he had Hyper-active Attention Deficit Disorder. The eyes of the two
men were beginning to glaze over. But their new ‘friend’
batted on regardless. They had to know about all of his medication,
its side effects and the perils of missing a dose or even just being
late.
They,
and a considerable portion of the rest of the local population, had
the doubtful benefit of details of various in and out-patient departments
and mouth watering cameos of the many schools and multitudes of teachers
who had not been able to cope with his ‘terrible behaviour’.
This was how he described it himself.
The
two innocent seekers after peace and quiet were by now feeling the
pace. Occasionally one or other would lob in a question or express
incredulity. All fuel to the fire for an experienced attention-seeker.
Therapped,
but to no Effect
I
began by thinking it was mildly amusing. When closely engaged with
children and young people we sometimes referred to some as having
been ‘therapped’. These were children and young people
who had been on therapeutic programmes, or had had highly communicative
social workers. They ended up with all the right language for describing
and rationalising their latest piece of anti-social acting out, but
no greater control nor real social awareness.
At
first I thought that this young man had been well ‘therapped’.
Then I started to feel rather sorry for him. Not only had professionals
talked fully and freely to him, or in front of him, but, as he told
his captive audience, he had supplemented his knowledge on the Internet.
He could probably have given a paper for at least 45 minutes, without
hesitation, repetition or deviation. He knew all the terms, he knew
all the medications, but it seemed his only hope of behaving in an
‘acceptable’ way was to keep taking the tablets.
I
ended up feeling anxious for his future safety and well-being. In
the hour or so that I was aware of his existence there was no sign
of a responsible adult. A twelve-year-old boy had virtually ‘picked
up’ two strange men. As it happened, they seemed to be harmless
holiday-makers. When he finally decided that he must rush off to take
another pill, without which, he said, he would become very unpleasant
indeed, they happily wished him well. But I was left wondering what
might have happened if they had been paedophiles. Here was a sad boy,
stuffed full of pills and sophisticated jargon left to wander around,
without, apparently, any idea of self-protection from stranger danger.
Part II next month……
p.s. Have a look at this website http://www.dfes.gov.uk/everychildmatters
