Some prophetic person said war is never so ugly as when you try to explain it to children.
Now, American parents must try to explain the grisly reality of terrorism to their children.

This is bound to affect our children. Already, there have been reports of children making paper airplanes and adding stick figures to represent the terrorists; stories of school children wondering whether terrorism will target their school next, and parents concerned that their children will pick up on the fear and tension around them.

This is what terrorism seeks to do: disrupt our way of life, rendering us a new one made of fear and suspicion. For our children's sake, we have to fight against terrorism and its objectives. We can't render them to lives of fear. We must tell them something.

Child experts are not sure how to deal with children facing terrorism in their midst. While there is myriad data about how to help children cope with war, there is less on children living with terrorism. For American children, this is uncharted territory.

This is not comforting news for a public that wants answers quickly. But the truth is that educators, psychologists and parents are going to have to learn as they go along.

It will take the grace of a gymnast to walk the fine line between informing children and alarming them. Children want simple answers and the horror that rained on America on Tuesday offers anything but.

Our CNN-saturated society wants to take in as much information as possible. But children should be told only as much as they need or ask to know.

Parents should remember that honesty is always best. Scenes of airplanes slamming into the World Trade Center towers looked like something out of a sci-fi thriller. Tragically, it was real and children need to know that.

Parents should strive to reassure children while at the same time being realistic.

From a country clamoring for action, the simplest of actions might help our children. Plant a tree in memory of the victims and their families. Take up a collection.

Most of all, tell children this one lasting reality: We may not always be able to protect them, but we will always love them.

The Seattle Times

As parents, teachers and role models, adults want children to hold on to their view of the world as a safe and predictable place for as long as they can.

But Tuesday’s devastating terrorist onslaught, with its horrific images displayed across our television screens throughout the day and into the night, brought home a reality difficult even for adults to grasp.

How do parents and other adults help children deal with their feelings of fear, sadness and anger? How do they help them make sense out of something that seems so senseless?

An important thing to keep in mind is that children — especially younger children — follow the cues of their parents, said Richard A. Darkangelo, executive director of Trumbull Lifelines, the county’s mental health and drug and alcohol network.

‘‘It is important for parents to be a stabilizing force. ... If parents are problem-solving, focused and goal-driven, the child will tend to be that way.

‘‘On the other hand, if the parent is flying off the handle, this can affect how the child see things,’’ Darkangelo said.

Another point is simply to be available for the child, said Jo Carol Franklin, program director for Valley Counseling Services’ children’s department.

‘‘Parents and teachers should be open to stopping what they are doing to talk and answer questions,’’ Franklin said. In our busy lives with all its outside distractions, we can miss seeing that our child really needs to talk about something, she said.

Having the family and the child keep or return to their normal routine can be of great benefit by allowing a child to feel more secure and in control, Franklin said.

Franklin said she also believes it is important to limit the amount of time a child spends watching news accounts of the terrorist incidents.

‘‘Kids can get oversaturated with news reports ... you have to be careful with them watching so much television during this period,’’ she said.

Nick Ceglia, executive vice president of Community Solutions Association, another county mental health agency, agrees with that advice.

‘‘Kids don’t need to have it on all the time,’’ he said. Ceglia said that point hit close to home for him when his own son, after repeatedly seeing television images of a hijacked plane flying into one of the World Trade Center towers, said, ‘I can’t get that picture out of my head.’’’

And when children are watching, it is important to be there for clarification and support, Darkangelo said.

‘‘Answering questions and helping them to identify and talk about their fears is important,’’ he said.

When talking about those feelings or fears, help children sort them out without dismissing their thoughts as strange or exaggerated, say professionals.

‘‘Validate their feelings ... and don’t deny the seriousness of the situation,’’ Ceglia said.

One of the difficulties with helping children deal with Tuesday’s tragic events, is that adults haven’t had a chance to deal with their own feelings, Ceglia said.

‘‘Don’t be afraid to share those feelings with your kids. Tell them, ‘this makes me sad (or mad), too,’’’ he said.

‘‘Knowing how you feel helps them to know what they are feeling is normal,’’ Ceglia said.

Finally, Franklin said that if a family has a spiritual life, this can be an important source of comfort.

‘‘Spirituality can help us explain things when we don’t have the exact answers,’’ she said.

The Tribune Chronicle, Ohio